Légendes urbaines historiques (et politiques) / Historical (and political) urban legends

En Français / In English

1) Lincoln / Kennedy (Octobre 1999)

2) Diverses infos (Decembre 1997)

3) Jugements peremptoires (Janvier 1997)

4) Le mot "fuck" (Juillet 2000)

5) Açores 1986 (Novembre 2000)

6) Innondations (Avril 2001)

7) Prehistoire (Decembre 1996)

8) Eglise suisse (Fevrier 2002)

9) Pompe Funèbre (Mars 2002)

10) Tarifs de prostituées (Aout 2003)

1) Lincoln / Kennedy (Octobre 1999)

Abraham Lincoln fut elu au Congres en 1846.

John F. Kennedy fut elu au Congres en 1946.

 

Abraham Lincoln fut elu President en 1860.

John F. Kennedy fut elu President en 1960.

 

Les noms de Lincoln et de Kennedy contiennent chacun 7 lettres.

 

Tous les deux presidents luttaient pour les droits civils.

 

Leurs deux epouses ont perdu des enfants alors qu'elles vivaient a la Maison Blanche.

 

Les deux Presidents furent assassines un Vendredi.

 

Les deux Presidents furent touches a la tete.

 

La secretaire de Lincoln s'appelait Kennedy.

La secretaire de Kennedy s'appelait Lincoln.

 

Les deux Presidents furent assassines par un sudiste.

 

A ces deux Presidents succederent des sudistes.

 

Les deux successeurs s'appelaient tous les deux Jonhson.

 

Andrew Johnson, qui succeda a Lincoln, etait ne en 1808.

Lyndon Johnson, qui succeda a Kennedy, etait ne en 1908.

 

John Wilkes Booth, qui assassina Lincoln, etait ne en 1839.

Lee Harvey Oswald, qui assassina Kennedy, etait ne en 1939.

 

Les deux assassins sont connus par leurs 3 noms.

 

Le noms des 2 assassins comportent chacun 15 lettres.

 

Lincoln fut tue dans un theatre appele "Kennedy".

Kennedy fut tue dans une voiture appelee "Lincoln".

 

Booth s'echappa d'un theatre et fut trouve dans un entrepot.

Oswald s'echappa d'un entrepot et fut trouve dans un theatre.

 

Booth et Oswald furent assassines avant leur proces.

 

Et la "cerise sur le gateau"....

La semaine precedent sa mort, Lincoln etait a Monroe (Maryland).

La semaine precedent sa mort, Kennedy etait a Monroe (Marilyn)...

(La même en anglais)

=======================

2) Diverses infos (Decembre 1997)

- Mata Hari, la célèbre espionne qui obtenait ses informations sur l'oreiller aurait dit avant de mourir fusillée: "C'est bien la première fois qu'on m'aura pour 12 balles"

- A la mort du president Felix Faure, le directeur de "l'Aurore" a ecrit : En entrant dans le neant, il a du se sentir chez lui.

- La femme du president Fallieres participait a un repas (de gala, evidemment) avec le roi d'Angleterre et son fils aine. Elle a demande au roi : Et ce jeune garcon ? Que comptez-vous en faire plus tard ?

- De Clemenceau : Un traitre est un homme politique qui quitte son parti pour s'inscrire a un autre. Par contre, un converti est un homme politique qui quitte son parti pour s'inscrire au votre.

- Et une tres celebre de Mac Mahon : La meningite, on en meurt ou on en reste idiot. Et je sais de quoi je parle, je l'ai eue...........

- En 1928, Charles King fut elu President du Liberia par 600 000 voix de majorite. Resultat remarquable car il n'y avait que 15 000 votants inscrits

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3) Jugements peremptoires (Janvier 1997)

"Voler avec des machines plus lourdes que l'air ne presente aucuninteret et d'ailleurs c'est totalement impossible" Simon Newcomb (18 mois avant le premier vol des freres Wright)

De Dyonisis Lardner (1793-1859; prof d'histoire naturelle et d'astronomie a University College de Londres): "les voyages en chemin de fer a grande vitesse sont impossibles car les passagers incapables de respirer mourraient d'asphyxie"; il a aussi affirme qu'aucun paquebot ne pourrait traverser l'Atlantique puisqu'il consommerait plus de charbon qu'il ne pourrait en transporter

"Les animaux qui bougent ont des membres et des muscles; la Terre n'a ni membres ni muscles, elle ne peut donc effectuer aucun mouvement" Scipio Chiaramonti

L'empereur Ferdinand d'Autriche apres la premiere representation des "Noces de Figaro" : "Beaucoup trop bruyant, mon cher Mozart, beaucoup trop de notes"

Philipp Hale, critique musical, Boston, 1837 : "Si l'on ne coupe pas de larges morceaux de la Septieme symphonie de Beethoven, elle tombera tres rapidement dans l'oubli"

Rapport de la compagnie Decca, refusant de prendre les Beatles sous contrat en 1962 : "Nous n'aimons pas leur musique. De plus, les groupes de guitaristes ne sont plus a la mode"

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4) Le mot "fuck" (Juillet 2000)

Savez-vous quelle est l'origine du mot "Fuck " ?

Et bien, sous le règne d'Henri VIII, la population anglaise a dramatiquement diminué (genre de moitié) suite à des épidémies ou guerres ou je ne sais quoi encore. Ce cher Henri était inquiet pour l'avenir de son pays. Alors, il s'est aperçu qu'il avait plein de bagnards dans ses prisons et de prostitués. Du coup, il a organisé des rencontres entre ces 2 CSP (si l'on peut s'exprimer ainsi) pour repeupler son pays. On a appellé " ces rencontres ": Fornication Under Control of the King ", d'où fuck. (La moitié des anglais descendent donc de putes ou de criminels, ceci explique cela...)

Je vous assure que ce ne sont pas des conneries.

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6) Innondations (Avril 2001)

"Jospin trempe par la rumeur" dans France Soir, c'est l'histoire abracadabrante d'une "folle rumeur" qui courait hier dans la cite picarde d'Abbeville: "Paris se protege et inonde la Somme". Le Premier ministre en deplacement a essuye quolibets et accusations de complot, pataugeant allegrement dans le metre-cinquante d'eau qui a recouvert la ville, apres que les plus furieux ont enleve les planches sur lesquelles il etait cense cheminer de maison en maison, sans "avoir mesure la detresse des habitants" selon le quotidien populaire. "La capitale egoiste larguerait-elle son trop-plein d'eau sur les provinciaux de la Somme" se demande presque serieusement le journal, qui donne la reponse des "specialistes" : "impossible et farfelu". Les habitants d'Abbeville y croyaient pourtant dur comme fer : "les lacs artificiels, qui jaugent le debit de l'eau vers la capitale vidangeraient leur excedent vers le departement sinistre".

Pour l'historien Jean Favier, " il faut rappeler que la Somme est situee dans une zone marecageuse assechee qui redevient la proie des eaux par moments. une conquete de la mer d'autant plus active en periode de grandes marees" et de pluviometrie exceptionnelle, comme en ce moment. Dans le Figaro, c'est le prefet de la Somme, Daniel Cadoux, qui "comprend que, dans des situations de crise, les rumeurs se developpent. Elles sont l'expression d'une detresse devant une situation jamais vue. [Mais] nous ne sommes pas entrain de detourner des rivieres. Il n'y a pas de complot !", croit-il devoir preciser.

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7) Prehistoire: Légende urbaine lue dans Liberation, 24 Decembre 1996, page 24:

Mille neuf cent quatre vingt onze: à la frontière de l'Autriche et de l'Italie, un glacier livre une momie congelée. Un homme des neiges né et décédé il y a plus de 5000 ans: le célèbre Ötzi. Très vite, questions et rumeurs les plus débridées s'enchaînent. Ötzi a beau être entier, où est donc passé son pénis? Mangé par un animal, tombé, pris dans la glace, supprimé par un mari trompé? Tout y passe. Konrad Spindler (Institut de protohistoire d'Innsbruck), chargé de l'enquête scientifique, s'agace. D'autant qu'il est un temps soupçonné d'avoir dérobé la chose. Finalement, le professeur Spindler révèle que le pénis et les testicules sont bien là, mais tout recroquevillés par le froid. La rumeur enfle: peut-être va-t-on aussi retrouver du sperme congelé? Aussitôt envisagé, aussitôt récupéré: le magazine viennois et homo Lambda Nachrichten révèle que la semence n'est pas dans les testicules, mais dans le rectum! Et voilà Ötzi promu plus vieil homosexuel. Ce qui n'empêche pas une Autrichienne de demander à se faire inséminer

Il faut attendre 1993, pour que le professeur Spindler publie le compte rendu (un livre) de l'autopsie pratiquée sur Ötzi avec un chapitre consacré à ses parties génitales, où il précise que la momie ne contenait pas de sperme, et surtout pas dans le rectum (porté disparu).
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8) Eglise Suisse (Fevrier 2002)

Facture d'un peintre de Boswil (Suisse) qui avait rafraichi les fresques de l'église en 1873 :

1° modifié le septième commandement, et laqué les dix commandements : 3 frs 45

2° nettoyé Ponce Pilate, mis une nouvelle fourrure sur son col et poli le personnage de tous les côtés : 2 frs 33

3° élargi le ciel et ajouté quelques étoiles ; amélioré le feu de l'enfer et donné au diable un visage raisonnable : 3 frs 86

4° modifié sainte Madeleine qui était détériorée : 3frs 16

5° nettoyé et repeint ici et là les vierges sages : 1 frs 30

6° mieux marqué le chemin du ciel : 0 frs 55

7° laqué la femme de Putiphar et ôté la crasse de son cou : 1 frs 32

8° reculé la fin du monde, vu qu'elle était beaucoup trop proche : 4 frs 48

9° nettoyé la mer rouge des excréments de mouches qui la recouvraient : 2frs 00
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9) Pompe Funebre (Mars 2002)

Vous savez sans doute que, dans les temps anciens, pour s'assurer que quelqu'un était bien décédé, l'usage voulait qu'une personne en charge de cette vérification morde violemment un des doigts de pied de la victime (en général le gros orteil).

Si rien ne se passait, la personne était déclarée morte. C'est donc de là que vient l'appellation de croque-mort.

Cette fonction de croque-mort, qui était en fait une vraie charge,(comme es bourreaux) se transmettait de père en fils depuis la nuit des temps.

Or, un jour, il arriva une catastrophe : le dernier croque-mort, bien qu'ayant eu de nombreux enfants, n'avait aucun garçon.

Sa fille aînée reprit donc sa charge, après réunion et avis favorable du conseil des sages et de l'église.

Mais voilà, la première victime qu'elle eut à traiter avait une grave maladie : la gangrène l'avait en partie gagnée et on lui avait coupé les 2 jambes jusqu'à hauteur des cuisses.

La jeune fille examina la situation et mordit donc avec précaution le premier membre inférieur qu'elle put trouver.

Ce fut à cette époque, et très précisément dans ces circonstances, qu'on passa de l'expression "croque-mort" à celle de "pompe funèbre".

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In English

1) Lincoln / Kennedy (January 1997)

2) Churchill (November 1999)

3) They said (November 1995)

4) Various deaths (September 1996)

5) Bischoff (December 1996)

6) Dan Quayle (April 1997)

7) Armstrong (October 1995, the first!)

8) Post WTC collapse (November 2001)

1) Lincoln / Kennedy (January 1997)

ABRAHAM LINCOLN was elected to Congress in 1846

JOHN F KENNEDY was elected to Congress in 1946

 

ABRAHAM LINCOLN was elected president in 1860

JOHN F KENNEDY was elected president in 1960

 

BOTH were particularly concerned with civil rights

 

BOTH presidents were shot on a Friday

 

BOTH presidents were shot in the head

 

ABRAHAM LINCOLN's secretary was named Kennedy

JOHN F KENNEDY's secretary was named Lincoln

 

BOTH presidents were assassinated by southerners

 

BOTH presidents were succeded by southerners

 

BOTH successors were named Johnson

 

ANDREW JOHNSON, who succeded LINCOLN, was born in 1808

LYNDON JOHNSON, who succeded KENNEDY, was born in 1908

 

JOHN WILKES BOOTH, wo assassinated LINCOLN, was born in 1839

LEE HARVEY OSWALD, wo assassinated KENNEDY, was born in 1939

 

BOTH assassins were known by their three names

 

ABRAHAM LINCOLN was shot at the theatre named 'KENNEDY'

JOHN F KENNEDY was shot in a car called LINCOLN

 

JOHN WILKES BOOTH ran from a theatre and was caught in a warehouse

LEE HARVEY OSWALD ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theatre

 

BOTH, JOHN WILKES BOOTH and LEE HARVEY OSWALD were assassinated before their trials

 

A week before ABRAHAM LINCOLN was shot he was in Monroe, Maryland

A week before JOHN F KENNEDY was shot he was in Marilyn Monroe

(The same in French)

Explanation:

http://www.snopes.com/errata/linckenn.htm

ABRAHAM LINCOLN was shot at the theatre named 'KENNEDY'

Lincoln was actually shot in Ford's Theater in DC.

Lincoln's secretary, Kennedy, warned him not to go to Ford's Theatre.

Kennedy's secretary, Lincoln, warned him not to go to Dallas.

This is one of those coincidences that isn't a coincidence at all -- it's simply wrong. John Kennedy did have a secretary named Evelyn Lincoln (who may or may not have warned him about going to Dallas), but one searches in vain to find a Lincoln secretary named Kennedy. (Lincoln's White House secretaries were John G. Nicolay and John Hay.)

The more important point is that since Presidents are frequent recipients of assassination threats, they rarely make any public appearances without somebody's warning them of potential danger. Only on the extemely rare occasions when a tragedy actually occurs do we later take note of the warnings; in all other cases the failed "prophecies" are quickly forgotten. (Lincoln received "an unusual number of letters about plots to kidnap or assassinate him," said to have numbered at least eighty, yet none of those plots were enacted.) Nor does anyone think to mention other attempts at kidnap or assassination that were not preceded by any recorded warnings to the victims. (Lincoln was shot at on at least one other occasion.)

Yes, Lincoln was warned not to go to Ford's Theatre by persons concerned for his safety, just as he had been warned not to visit Richmond a week earlier, and just as he had been warned not to attend his own inauguration in 1861. Obviously, only one of the myriad of warnings he received throughout his four years in office was on the mark. Likewise, Kennedy was warned not to visit San Antonio the day before his trip to Dallas (and undoubtedly before a host of other appearances as well), but only the last warning he allegedly received is considered significant, because it coincidentally happened to come true. As Jeane Dixon and other "psychics" have demonstrated, if you make enough predictions, one of them is eventually bound to come true -- just as a stopped clock is also right twice a day.

John Wilkes Booth was born in 1839.

Lee Harvey Oswald was born in 1939.

Another coincidence that is no coincidence because it's plain wrong: Booth was born in 1838, not 1839.

A month before Lincoln was assassinated he was in Monroe, Maryland.

A month before Kennedy was assassinated he was in Marilyn Monroe.

This is a latter-day addition to the list and nothing more than a bit of salacious humor. Even as a humorous coincidence it fails the test, as Marilyn Monroe died well over a year before Kennedy's assassination.

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2) Churchill (November 1999)

His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog. There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death.

The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved. "I want to repay you," said the nobleman. "You saved my son's life."

"No, I can't accept payment for what I did," the Scottish farmer replied, waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family hovel. "Is that your son?" the nobleman asked. "Yes," the farmer replied proudly. "I'll make you a deal. Let me take him and give him a good education. If the lad is anything like his father, he'll grow to a man you can be proud of." And that he did. In time, Farmer Fleming's son graduated from St.Mary's Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin. Years afterward, the nobleman's son was stricken with pneumonia. What saved him? Penicillin.

The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill. His son's name? Sir Winston Churchill.

=================================================

3) They said (November 1995)

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."

--Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949

 

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."

--Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

 

"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year."

--The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957

 

"But what ... is it good for?"

--Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.

 

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."

--Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

 

"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."

--Western Union internal memo, 1876.

 

"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?"

--David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s.

 

"The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a 'C,' the idea must be feasible."

--A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)

 

"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"

--H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.

 

"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper."

--Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in "Gone With The Wind."

 

"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make."

--Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields' Cookies.

 

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."

--Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.

 

"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible."

--Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.

 

"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can't do this."

--Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M "Post-It" Notepads.

 

"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we' ll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we'll come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.'"

--Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and HP interested in his and Steve Wozniak's personal computer.

 

"Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and reaction and the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to react. He seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily in high schools."

--1921 New York Times editorial about Robert Goddard's revolutionary rocket work.

 

"You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all of your muscles? It can't be done. It's just a fact of life. You just have to accept inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable condition of weight training."

--Response to Arthur Jones, who solved the "unsolvable" problem by inventing Nautilus.

 

"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy."

--Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859.

 

"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau."

--Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.

 

"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value."

--Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.

 

"Everything that can be invented has been invented."

--Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.

 

"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction".

--Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872

 

"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon".

--Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873.

 

"640K ought to be enough for anybody."

-- Bill Gates, 1981

==============

4) Various deaths (September 1996)

*Attila the Hun: One of the most notorious villains in history, Attila's army had conquered all of Asia by 450 AD--from Mongolia to the edge of the Russian Empire--by destroying villages and pillaging the countryside. How he died: He got a nosebleed on his wedding night In 453 AD, Attila married a young girl named Ildico. Despite his reputation for ferocity on the battlefield, he tended to eat and drink lightly during large banquets. On his wedding night, however, he really cut loose, gorging himself on food and drink. Sometime during the night he suffered a nosebleed, but was too drunk to notice. He drowned in his own blood and was found dead the next morning.

* Tycho Brahe: An important Danish astronomer of the 16th century. His ground breaking research allowed Sir Isaac Newton to come up with the theory of gravity. How he died: Didn't get to the bathroom in time In the 16th century, it was considered an insult to leave a banquet table before the meal was over. Brahe, known to drink excessively, had a bladder condition -- but failed to relieve himself before the banquet started. He made matters worse by drinking too much at dinner, and was too polite to ask to be excused. His bladder finally burst, killing him slowly and painfully over the next 11 days.

* Horace Wells: Pioneered the use of anesthesia in the 1840s How he died: Used anesthetics to commit suicide While experimenting with various gases during his anesthesia research, Wells became addicted to chloroform. In 1848 he was arrested for spraying two women with sulfuric acid. In a letter he wrote from jail, he blamed chloroform for his problems, claiming that he'd gotten high before the attack. Four days later he was found dead in his cell.He'd anaesthetized himself with chloroform and slashed open his thigh with a razor.

* Francis Bacon: One of the most influential minds of the late 16th century. A statesman, a philosopher, a writer, and a scientist, he was even rumored to have written some of Shakespeare's plays. How he died: Stuffing snow into a chicken One afternoon in 1625, Bacon was watching a snowstorm and was struck by the wondrous notion that maybe snow could be used to preserve meat in the same way that salt was used. Determined to find out, he purchased a chicken from a nearby village, killed it, and then, standing outside in the snow, attempted to stuff the chicken full of snow to freeze it. The chicken never froze, but Bacon did.

*Jerome Irving Rodale: Founding father of the organic food movement, creator of "Organic Farming and Gardening" magazine, and founder of Rodale Press, a major publishing corporation. How he died: On the "Dick Cavett Show", while discussing the benefits of organic foods. Rodale, who bragged "I'm going to live to be 100 unless I'm run down by a sugar-crazed taxi driver," was only 72 when he appeared on the "Dick Cavett Show" in January 1971. Part way through the interview, he dropped dead in his chair. Cause of death: heart attack. The show was never aired.

* Aeschylus: A Greek playwright back in 500 BC. Many historians consider him the father of Greek tragedies. How he died: An eagle dropped a tortoise on his head According to legend, eagles picked up tortoises and attempt to crack them open by dropping them on rocks. An eagle mistook Aeschylus' head for a rock (he was bald) and dropped it on him instead.

* Jim Fixx: Author of the best selling "Complete Book of Running," which started the jogging craze of the 1970s. How he died: A heart attack....while jogging Fixx was visiting Greensboro, Vermont when he walked out of his house and began jogging. He'd only gone a short distance when he had a massive coronary. His autopsy revealed that one of his coronary arteries was 99% clogged, another was 80% obstructed, and a third was 70% blocked....and that Fixx had had three other attacks in the weeks prior to his death.

* Lully, one of our favorite 16th-century composers, who wrote music for the king of France. While rehearsing the musicians, he got too serious beating time with his staff, and drove it right through his foot. He died of infection.

==========================

5) Bischoff (December 1996)

Bischoff, one of the leading anatomists of Europe, thrived in the 1870s. He carefully measured brain weights, and after many years' accumulation of much data he observed that the average weight of a man's brain was 1350 grams, that of a woman only 1250 grams. This at once, he argued, was infallible proof of the mental superiority of men over women. Throughout his life, he defended this hypothesis with the conviction of a zealot. Being the true scientist, he specified in his will that his own brain be added to his impressive collection. The postmortem examination elicited the interesting fact that his own brain weighed only 1245 grams.

===========================

6) Dan Quayle (April 1997)

These are all actual quotes taken from Dan Quayle speeches and interviews:

 

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people."

-- J. Danforth Quayle

 

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."

-- J. Danforth Quayle

 

"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."

-- Vice President Dan Quayle

 

"Welcome to President Bush, Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."

-- Vice President Dan Quayle

 

"Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."

-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 8/11/89

 

"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."

-- Vice President Dan Quayle

 

"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."

-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/15/88

 

"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change."

-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/22/89

 

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared'."

-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 12/6/89

 

"May our nation continue to be the beakon of hope to the world."

-- The Quayles' 1989 Christmas card. [Not a beacon of literacy, though.]

 

"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."

-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 11/30/88

 

"We don't want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go forward."

-- Vice President Dan Quayle

 

"I have made good judgements in the Past. I have made good judgements in the Future."

-- Vice President Dan Quayle

 

"The future will be better tomorrow."

-- Vice President Dan Quayle

 

"We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world."

-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/21/88

 

"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history."

-- Vice President Dan Quayle

 

"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."

-- Vice President Dan Quayle to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/89

 

"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a *part* of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a *part* of Europe."

-- Vice President Dan Quayle

 

"Public speaking is very easy."

-- Vice President Dan Quayle to reporters in 10/88

 

"I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican."

-- Vice President Dan Quayle

 

"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."

-- Vice President Dan Quayle

 

"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."

-- Vice President Dan Quayle

 

"When I have been asked during these last weeks who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."

-- Vice President Dan Quayle

 

"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."

-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 5/20/92 (reported in Esquire, 8/92)

 

"Murphy Brown is doing better than I am. At least she knows she still has a job next year."

-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 8/18/92

 

"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."

-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/22/90

 

"For NASA, space is still a high priority."

-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/5/90

 

"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."

-- Vice President Dan Quayle, 9/18/90

 

"The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Dan Quayle may or may not make."

-- Vice President Dan Quayle

 

"We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made."

-- Vice President Dan Quayle

 

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

-- Vice President Dan Quayle

 

"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."

-- Vice President Dan Quayle

====================

7) Armstrong (October 1995, the first urban legend I've ever received by email, thanks Ruth!!!)

ON JULY 20, 1969, AS COMMANDER OF THE APOLLO 11 LUNAR MODULE, NEIL ARMSTRONG WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SET FOOT ON THE MOON, HIS FIRST WORDS AFTER STEPPING ON THE MOON, "THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND," WERE TELEVISED TO EARTH AND HEARD BY MILLIONS. BUT JUST BEFORE HE REENTERED THE LANDER, HE MADE THE ENIGMATIC REMARK, "GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY." MANY PEOPLE AT NASA THOUGH IT WAS A CASUAL REMARK CONCERNING SOME RIVAL SOVIET COSMONAUT. HOWEVER, UPON CHECKING, THERE WAS NO GORSKY IN EITHER THE RUSSIAN OR AMERICAN SPACE PROGRAMS. OVER THE YEARS MANY PEOPLE QUESTIONED ARMSTRONG AS TO WHAT THE "GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY" STATEMENT MEANT, BUT ARMSTRONG ALWAYS JUST SMILED. ON JULY 5, 1995, IN TAMPA BAY, FLORIDA, WHILE ANSWERING QUESTIONS FOLLOWING A SPEECH, A REPORTER BROUGHT UP THE 26-YEAR-OLD QUESTION TO ARMSTRONG. THIS TIME HE FINALLY RESPONDED. MR. GORSKY HAD DIED, SO NEIL ARMSTRONG FELT HE COULD ANSWER THE QUESTION. IN 1938 WHEN HE WAS A KID IN A SMALL MIDWEST TOWN, HE WAS PLAYING BASEBALL WITH A FRIEND IN THE BACKYARD. HIS FRIEND HIT THE BALL, WHICH LANDED IN HIS NEIGHBOR'S YARD BY THE BEDROOM WINDOWS. HIS NEIGHBORS WERE MR. AND MRS. GORSKY. SHE LEANED DOWN TO PICK UP THE BALL, YOUNG ARMSTRONG HEARD MRS. GORSKY SHOUTING AT MR. GORSKY. "SEX! YOU WANT SEX?! YOU'LL GET SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR WALKS ON THE MOON!"

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8) Post WTC collapse (November 2001)

Israeli bullshit propaganda that has evidently been making the rounds, despite the fact that it is nonsense: the Oslo agreement dates to 1993, and Reagan and Schultz have been out of office since 1988....

I just received the following from an old friend and colleague in Israel. I hadn't heard this; have you?

Terrorist pilot Mohammad Atta blew up a bus in Israel in 1986. The Israelis captured, tried and imprisoned him. As part of the Oslo agreement Israel had to agree to release so called "political prisoners". However, they would not release any with "blood on their hands". A well meaning American President, Ronald Reagan and his Secretary of State George Shultz "insisted" that all be released.

Thus Mr. Atta was freed and eventually "thanked the US" by flying an airplane into tower one of the World Trade Center. This was reported by many of the networks at the time that the terrorists were first identified. It was censored in the USA from all later reports.

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